Mental Load Mastery: How To Balance Work and Family Life
As a woman juggling many roles, life can feel very overwhelming. You switch between being a loving partner, caring parent, loyal friend, and hard-working professional building a legacy. It’s a lot to handle, and sometimes it feels like there’s no safety net if things go wrong.
The mental load is real, but here’s the good news: achieving balance is within your reach. As the saying goes, where there’s a will, there’s a way.
To help you find your will and your way, let’s break down all the challenges you’re likely to face when trying to balance it all. Every step of the way, we’ll discuss tools and strategies you can use to strategize, rebalance your duties, and alleviate your mental load.
Before we start, remember this: you are enough, you are capable, and you are the driver of your own success. You can manifest anything you want – so long as you’re willing to put in the work. Now, let’s master the mental load journey together.
The Path to Happiness… and Divorce?
Before having kids, my husband and I had a lot of fun. We laughed a lot, barely argued, and enjoyed a beautiful relationship built on a foundation of teamwork. Things shifted ever so slightly after the birth of our first child. But it was when our second daughter arrived that our lives took a challenging turn.
The mental load of parenthood intensified, and resentment crept in. With two young children and a household to run, we found ourselves at odds. In stark contrast to our formerly harmonious life, we evolved into people we barely recognized, comparing responsibilities and fighting over who had it worst. This began tearing us apart so intensely that the word “divorce” flew from our lips more than once.
Coming Together By Letting Go
Reflecting on the early months of parenthood, I’m overcome by the mountain of unique sacrifices women make. There are so many expectations placed on us that we end up feeling like we have to be the perfect mom, the perfect daughter, the perfect daughter-in-law, the perfect everything. Mix in a heavy dose of sleep deprivation, and it can be a harrowing journey. Rewarding and magical, of course, but undeniably grueling.
Despite Adam’s support, it was easy for me to slip into feelings of resentment. I knew he was helping out immensely. The problem is that sometimes you can only see your experience. This is especially true when your mental load is too much. You can’t see the other person’s story. And that’s when you clash.
It took us some time to see that our fights were because of the mental load we were carrying. But once I started looking into it, everything started to make sense. As I learned more, I could talk to Adam better. Finally, we had better talks about how to handle this and be a team again.
Since this turnaround came directly from my research into mental load – specifically the mental load of mothers – I knew we were onto something that could help not just our family but many others.
Defining Intentions & Mapping Goals
To find our way back to the values we knew we shared, we asked ourselves a simple yet powerful set of questions. If you feel similarly stuck under a heavy mental load, and you’re struggling to communicate effectively with your partner, these questions should help you find clarity:
- What do you stand for as a family?
- What are your values? / Do you share the same values?
- Do you share the same vision?
- What do you want for the future?
- What do you see yourselves doing for the next 10 years?
Your values can be anything from healthy eating and exercise to self-reliance and financial freedom. Indeed, all of these and more were on our list. By getting these things out in writing and seeing the values we shared, we created the foundation for alleviating the mental load that had been weighing us down.
After all, if you both value something, the responsibility for it can’t just land on one person. Instead, you have to find a way to work on it together.
One of the things we found we were united on was the desire to start a business. It may seem a little crazy, given how tense things had already become, but Adam and I fixed our sights on launching a new venture together. Despite the added pressure, we knew we shared the same life goals and values. We were determined to overcome the mental load together, embarking on a new journey of balance and partnership.
Strategies for Rebalancing Home Duties
With a newborn, a toddler, full-time work, a business, and our relationship to juggle, we knew we had to get serious about keeping the mental load under control. With our shared values mapped out, we turned to the tasks we would need to complete each day to pursue our shared vision for the family.
Quantify Invisible Tasks
Recognizing the weight of invisible tasks and quantifying time spent on various chores allowed us to balance our shared workload more effectively. To do this, we listed all the tasks we were handling daily, weekly, and monthly. We then estimated the time spent on each task. This exercise was eye-opening as it made us realize the amount of time we were spending on tasks that often went unnoticed. By quantifying these tasks, we were able to distribute them more evenly and ensure no one person was carrying too much of the burden.
To make this step far quicker and easier, I encourage you to take my mental load quiz. After completing the quiz, you’ll instantly receive a breakdown showing you the distribution of the load you and your partner carry for overall household activities. This will help you uncover invisible tasks and redistribute the workload, ensuring you and your partner can better balance your mental load. If you find that there is a clear uneven distribution, you’ll want to use the Household Task List. This spreadsheet and the hours you come up with should help empower your family to get involved in day-to-day household activities.
Outsource to Ease the Mental Load
Outsourcing certain tasks became essential, allowing us to reclaim time for work and personal well-being. Despite initial resistance, the transition to outsourcing proved beneficial in reducing stress and improving productivity. We started small, outsourcing tasks that were time-consuming but didn’t necessarily require our personal touch, like cleaning or grocery delivery.
If you’re considering outsourcing, start by identifying tasks that consume a lot of your time or cause you stress. Then, research options for outsourcing these tasks within your budget. Remember, the goal is not to outsource everything but to free up time for work, personal well-being, and quality time with your loved ones.
Outsourcing is not a sign of failure or laziness. It’s a strategic move to optimize your time and energy, allowing you to focus on what truly matters to you. So embrace it as a tool that can contribute to your success in balancing work, family, and personal life.
Fostering Communication and Shared Responsibility
Establishing a Strong Foundation
Our experience taught us the importance of communication and shared responsibility in managing household tasks. By going back to our foundations and the values we shared, we were able to reignite our shared passion. This emotional cohesion was essential in driving our ambitious projects forward. However, on a more practical, everyday level, building a strong and fair foundation empowered us to work toward our goals consistently and effectively.
It’s no exaggeration to say that this system saved our marriage. We went from major resentment to working together as a team. This transformation of our relationship was so profound that we knew we had to share it with other parents in our position.
Building a Supportive Community
We’re now well into the “roaring 20s” of the 21st century, and the concept of community has taken on a new significance, especially for modern parents. With the rising cost of living and the necessity for both parents to work, the challenge of being present for our children while managing other responsibilities has become more daunting. This is where building a supportive community comes into play.
Unlike previous generations, many of us no longer have a ready-made community to lean on. Therefore, it’s crucial to consciously build our own network of support. This could include friends, family, neighbors, or professional services that can help share the load.
Your community can offer opportunities to outsource or share tasks, thus greatly reducing your mental load. However, it’s also immensely valuable to be part of a vibrant network of supportive women who are facing many of the same challenges as you. Here, at the Legacy Building Mamas Facebook community is a safe haven where we uplift and inspire each other, turning the dream of mompreneurship into a reality we can all share. So, if you’re ready to welcome in all the advantages of having a stable and loving community, please follow the link above to join us today.
Final thoughts
Mastering the mental load requires patience, persistence, and proactive communication. By rebalancing home duties and embracing outsourcing, you can achieve a greater balance between work, business, and family life, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious lifestyle for your entire family.
Your time is precious, so I’m deeply grateful that you’ve invested some of it with me today. My biggest wish for both of us is that we can become role models for our children, paving the way for a generation that values both success and family. I’m here to provide inspiration and guidance as we grow, thrive, and elevate ourselves on this incredible journey.
Want a fun and easy way to keep learning while you go about your daily duties? Tune into the Legacy Building Mamas Podcast. We cover everything from mental load to manifestation, giving you practical strategies and field-tested insights to help you build the life of your dreams.
And don’t forget to download the FREE Resources on Rebalancing the Mental Load. I truly hope these resources help with Relieving the Mental Load & Redefining Household Roles for a Happy Family!